When Anger Turns Into Tears
There is another strange thing about me.
I have never been very good at showing anger.
If I get hurt or frustrated, something unexpected happens.
I cry.
Not elegant, poetic tears.
Just ordinary, inconvenient ones.
For a long time this confused me.
Because inside, the feeling isn’t always sadness.
Sometimes it’s clearly anger.
But somewhere between the feeling and the outside world,
the anger dissolves… and tears appear instead.
It makes arguments very difficult.
People expect anger to sound like raised voices or sharp words.
But crying doesn’t look like anger.
So the real feeling often stays hidden.
For years I thought this meant I simply wasn’t an angry person.
But that wasn’t quite true.
The anger was there.
It just didn’t know where it was allowed to live.
And strangely enough, it eventually found its place in music.
In a song, everything is allowed.
You can shout.
You can exaggerate.
You can say things that would never leave your mouth in a normal conversation.
In a song you can be dramatic.
Furious.
Completely unapologetic.
Sometimes I even imagine someone hearing one of those songs and thinking:
“Wow. She sounds really angry.”
And I almost laugh.
Because that might be the only place where my anger actually speaks.
In real life it may still arrive as tears.
But somewhere between the words and the music,
it finally finds its voice.
And strangely enough, that feels like balance.